Self Abuse
I’ve realized recently that I still have leaps and bounds to go before I can say that I’ve recovered from self injury. Who knew that cutting was a gateway drug? It has lead to binging, purging, scratching through layers of skin, forbidding myself to take medicine when necessary, and so many other things. I’ve denied myself opportunities to succeed and programmed my mind to produce negative thoughts. Even though I don’t smoke or drink, I’ve done just as much (if not more) damage to myself.
It’s embarrassing to think that I’ve allowed myself to live the past five years of my life like this. Keep in mind, that I’ve slowly turned away from self injury and abuse, but it takes time for the damage to fade and my body to heal. I’m so ready to be done hating myself. It’s time to look in the mirror and not be repulsed by what I see. It’s time to stop defining myself by my successes and failures.
I know that this is not an easy road. But I know it’s one I won’t have to face alone. All my life, I’ve been surrounded by people who love me. I’ve got people who love me for me, who want to see me healthy and want to see me succeed.
I hear that anorexia is a life long battle. I think that the same thought processes that come with anorexia accompany self-injury and binge/purging. I guess that this will be a life long battle, but here’s to day one. To fighting negative thoughts and the desire to mar my body. Here’s to reclaiming God’s creation and living a healthy life.
Here’s to restoration.
I’ve realized recently that I still have leaps and bounds to go before I can say that I’ve recovered from self injury. Who knew that cutting was a gateway drug? It has lead to binging, purging, scratching through layers of skin, forbidding myself to take medicine when necessary, and so many other things. I’ve denied myself opportunities to succeed and programmed my mind to produce negative thoughts. Even though I don’t smoke or drink, I’ve done just as much (if not more) damage to myself.
It’s embarrassing to think that I’ve allowed myself to live the past five years of my life like this. Keep in mind, that I’ve slowly turned away from self injury and abuse, but it takes time for the damage to fade and my body to heal. I’m so ready to be done hating myself. It’s time to look in the mirror and not be repulsed by what I see. It’s time to stop defining myself by my successes and failures.
I know that this is not an easy road. But I know it’s one I won’t have to face alone. All my life, I’ve been surrounded by people who love me. I’ve got people who love me for me, who want to see me healthy and want to see me succeed.
I hear that anorexia is a life long battle. I think that the same thought processes that come with anorexia accompany self-injury and binge/purging. I guess that this will be a life long battle, but here’s to day one. To fighting negative thoughts and the desire to mar my body. Here’s to reclaiming God’s creation and living a healthy life.
Here’s to restoration.
