Mother's Day

Mother's day has always been a hard holiday to celebrate. I've never had a close relationship with my Mom, and sometimes it seems like each day adds new strain. There is a lot that factors into this, but Her bipolar disorder plays a strong role. It's probably stating the obvious, but the way she treats me is dependent on Her mood. I realized today that the way I love her is reflective of how she treats me. Obviously, this is NOT love. God has revealed this to me in several ways, but verse 4 through 13 of 1 Corinthians 13 has been my greatest "resource": 

No matter what I say, what I believe and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up. Love cares for others more than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut. Doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always "me first". It doesn't fly off the handle, doesn't keep score of the sins of others, doesn't reveal when others grovel, it takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, but keeps going until the end.

         Love never dies. (The Message) 

I don't know about you, but that passage wrecked me. All this time, I told myself that I loved my mom, but the sad truth is that I really didn't. I would be loving towards my mom if she was in an upswing. I would always take into consideration of how she had treated me that morning, or what she might had said to me the prior night. This was two strikes in one: Love doesn't keep score of the sins of others and it puts up with anything. I was more concerned with my feelings than loving her. Boy, does that sound self absorbed or what? 

When we would spend time together and she'd get upset about something, I'd be wishing that God had given me a "normal" mom like my friends had. Strike two: Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Strike three? Love never gives up. I'm ashamed to think of the times I've walked away from a conversation with my Mom because I couldn't deal with her craziness at the moment. 

After writing this, I realized a couple of things. I guess hadn't realized that I  have been a self-absorbed brat. But most importantly, if I am not loving my own Mom the way God has commanded me to love, how am I treating everyone else I come into contact with?!? 

Today my Pastor spoke about how we are to honor our mothers and fathers. This isn't something that God said to do because He thought it was a good idea-it's one of His commandments! 

I know that there are tough days to come with my Mom,  but I now will be facing them with a new mind set and a fresh pair of days. With God's view of love towards my Mom, I believe-actually, I know-that we will be able to mend our relationship. Over the years, I have found comfort in knowing that God will never forsake me even if the whole world abandons me. This isn't something I'm making up-we are told this multiple times in the Bible. It blows my mind to know that God's love is the epitome of the love discussed in 1 Corinthians. He loves us so much that He sent His Son to die for our sins. God's love never fails.